My Furry Nemesis
by ducksgoQUACK
Summary: Tifa gets a puppy to keep her company, but this little dog isn't what it seems. In fact, it kind of has it out for the rest of the FF7 gang...how will they handle their new enemy? Chapter 3: The Bra Incident, part 2 is up!
1. A Definitely Wrong Decision

**A/N:** _Firstly, for those of you who are reading Volte-face, I'm not abandoning my Turks humor fic; instead, I'm going to try (for the first time ever:D) to work on two fics at once. I'm still working on Chapter 11 of Volte-face, and hopefully it should be posted soon. I give no tentative dates, however, because I still need to think up some funny stuff to put in it._

_Anyway, as you see, I'm trying my hand at writing something with the rest of the FF7 gang involved, plus one very "special" puppy. I hope you like this one—my sister and I had a good time dreaming up the general plot line. I'd really love reviews, too, to let me know how this story is. :) That being said, read and enjoy! _

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own Final Fantasy VII. I do own a copy of the game, but not the actual FFVII world itself, nor any of the characters, places, events, etc. Come to think of it, I doubt I'd even be able to prove that I owned the puppy in this story… Oo_

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**Chapter One:_ A Definite(ly Wrong) Decision_**

Vincent had no idea how he got himself into these situations.

He hadn't even intended to sit down—he'd just stopped by Tifa's bar to get her to show him how to change the ringtone on his mobile, since she was the most likely individual to do so without snickering at his lack of general cell phone knowledge.

And the next thing he knew, he was patiently handing Tifa tissues, listening to her mope about her life in general and her relationship with Cloud in particular.

"I mean, it's not like I even expect him to love me back anymore," Tifa sighed for the thousandth time that day, staring glumly down at the counter as she wrung her Kleenex between her hands. "I just wish he'd show some affection now and then. Like, friendly affection, you know?"

"Mmm-hmm." Vincent sighed and wondered to himself how many consecutive hours the average woman could cry before her eyes shriveled up from excessive moisture loss.

"But nooo, he can't do that," Tifa went on, oblivious to Vincent's lack of interest. "He thinks it's cute to be angsty and depressed constantly. You know what? It's not cute! It's annoying!" She threw her tissue at the floor in disgust.

Vincent handed her a fresh tissue. "Do you think you could show me how to change my ringtone now?" he asked quietly, hoping that she'd agree without thinking so he could force her to change the subject.

Tifa's eyes widened. "Excuse me?" she said pointedly, giving Vincent a glare that could melt steel.

_And people think I'm scary, _Vincent thought dryly as he fished around in his mind for some kind of retribution. "I said…ah…perhaps you should try finding another object to focus your affections on," he lied.

"Oh, yeah," Tifa answered sarcastically. "I should just go out and date someone else."

Vincent uncertainly agreed. "Yes. You're wasting your time on Cloud."

"I'm wasting my time on all men, Vincent!" Tifa replied in exasperation.

"I wasn't necessarily talking about dating," Vincent explained. "If all you're really looking for is attention and affection, why not get a pet? They're not nearly as difficult as certain individuals we both know."

Tifa looked thoughtful. "A pet…" she repeated slowly. "Like a dog, maybe. Something that would return all the love I gave it, and help me get my mind off Cloud…and kids like pets, so I wouldn't have to worry about Marlene being jealous. In fact, she could play with the puppy while I worked!" Her face lit up in a smile. "Vincent, you're a genius!" Tifa exclaimed, back to her normal sunny self.

"I try," Vincent replied. "Now about my phone—"

Tifa snatched Vincent's mobile from his grasp and quickly pushed a few buttons. "There," she announced, as the cell phone emitted a brief segment of high-pitched, perky music. "It's done."

Vincent frowned. "Was that chirpy song my new ringtone?" he asked with a frown.

"Uh-huh," Tifa agreed. "Cute, isn't it? That's what Yuffie and I both have as our ringtone. It's so cheerful!"

"I hate it," Vincent replied. "It's worse than the first."

"Don't be so grumpy, Vincent," Tifa said with a grin. "At least it's different! It might even grow on you after a while!"

"Yes, grow on me," Vincent answered. "Like some kind of mold," he added under his breath.

Tifa nodded. "That's the spirit! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get to the pet store before Barret brings Marlene back. I can't wait to see what kind of puppies they have!" she added brightly, hurrying out the door.

Vincent looked glumly down at his phone. As if on cue, it rang. The shrill _beedle-beedle-deet_ of his new girly ringtone hurt his ears. He stuffed his phone into a pocket. "I should've just gone to the mobile store."

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"So…you're looking for a dog?" the pet store clerk asked, drumming her electric blue nails on the counter.

"A puppy," Tifa clarified. "Not a fully grown dog. I looked at the ones in the little pen just inside the door, but they're all so cute! I couldn't pick one on my own, so I was hoping you could tell me something about their personalities."

"Okay…" The clerk sighed. "What exactly are you looking for?"

"Something sweet and very affectionate," Tifa answered promptly. "A puppy that loves its owner unconditionally and completely, more than anything else. And…if it could have blonde fur, that'd be a plus," she added as an after thought. _Of course, Cloud would probably be really annoyed if I did name the puppy after him…like I care,_ she thought with a smirk.

The store clerk had a strange expression on her face. "Actually, I think I know just the dog for you," she told Tifa. "Let me check with the owner for a second."

"Take your time," Tifa replied, shrugging. _Maybe if it's a big, grumpy black puppy, I can name it Barret,_ she mused to herself. _Or if it's a mopey black puppy, I could call it Vincent…or I could get a hairless dog and call it Rude. _She smiled at that thought.

The owner and clerk reappeared through a doorway, both wearing slightly too cheerful expressions, as if they were trying to hide something. "So, you want a very devoted, very affectionate puppy," the owner addressed Tifa, smiling brightly.

"Yes," she agreed. "Do you have any dogs like that?"

"Let me ask you a few questions first," the pet store owner replied, keeping his very-cheerful smile pasted on his face. "Do you have a spouse or significant other?"

Tifa frowned. "Well, no…" _What does that have to do with buying a puppy?_ she wondered to herself.

"What about any children?" he persisted. "Are you a mother?"

"Well…no, not technically," Tifa answered, feeling more bewildered than before.

"Any brothers or sisters? Nieces or nephews? Are your parents still alive?" he pressed.

"No, okay?!" Tifa snapped. "I'm alone! I'm very much alone, and that's why I wanted the stupid dog! Are you going to sell me one, or not?"

"Calm down," the clerk soothed Tifa. "We just wanted to see if you were…um…suited for a very special puppy we have in mind."

"And you are! Congratulations! We'll go fetch her," the owner said, his smile seeming genuine for the first time.

The owner and clerk disappeared into the back of the store, then reappeared a moment later. Between them, they carried what looked like a heavy metal cage, with thick bars. Two heavy padlocks held the door securely fastened to the front of the cage. "Here we are!" the clerk announced cheerily, thumping the cage down onto the counter. "Our very special puppy!"

Tifa's brows went up. "Kind of heavy security for a puppy, isn't it?" she asked.

"We, ah…wanted to make sure it didn't escape by accident and get lost," the owner replied unconvincingly as he undid the locks on the cage. "Here you go!" he announced, gingerly opening the door.

Tifa peered inside the cage. Inside was a small white puppy, curled in a ball in one corner as if asleep. As if sensing her gaze, it lifted its head and stared back at her. Its eyes gleamed red in the shadowy dimness of the cage interior.

"Hi, puppy," Tifa said in a gentle voice, smiling. "Would you like to go home with me?"

The dog wagged its tail and got to its feet, then wandered over toward Tifa. The owner and clerk drew back as it neared the door. "Ooh, an albino puppy!" she cooed, carefully picking up the tiny dog and cradling it in her arms. "You are special, aren't you?" She glanced up at the store owner. "It looks like a Shih Tzu," Tifa commented. "Is it?"

"A female Shih Tzu, yes," the owner answered with a somewhat nervous smile. "And I have good news for you! Since you're our 100th customer this year, you get your puppy for free!"

"Really?" Tifa said with a grin. "That's great!" She lifted the puppy to eye level and smiled at it. "I think I'll name you Angel," she informed the little white dog. "Is that okay with you?" The dog yipped in agreement, wagging its tail furiously.

"We're so glad we could help you! Have a nice day!" the clerk said brightly, walking to the door and holding it open for Tifa.

Tifa smiled at the clerk and owner as she walked out. "Thank you," she called over her shoulder. "What weird people," she added in an undertone to Angel. "I bet you're glad to get out of there, huh?"

After Tifa had left, the clerk turned to the owner with a frown. "She seemed like a nice girl," the clerk commented. "Don't you feel a little guilty, pushing that…that…that thing off on her like that?"

"What? No, no," the owner said dismissively, shutting the cage door and re-locking it. "After all, she said she was alone, right? And it never bothers its owner."

"True…" the clerk agreed, somewhat uncertainly.

"If she doesn't have any one around for the dog to…ah…to 'target', we'll say, then she and her puppy should be very happy together," the owner finished. "So, since she's alone, she'll do just fine."

The clerk sighed. "I guess you're right. What's the worst that could happen?"

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_**Chapter Two Preview** (The Bra Incident—Angel Meets Rude):  
__Angel gets left alone at home when Tifa has to make a trip to the grocery store…and decides to make her own entertainment. To say more would be to ruin the plot. ;)_

_Please review :)_


	2. The Bra Incident

**A/N:** _Eeehee:) Thank you so much, everyone who reviewed! I greatly appreciate the input, and I'm pleasantly surprised by the warm reception this has gotten. Cookies and much love to you all!_

_I also apologize for not updating this sooner. Work and final exams leave no free time for me to update. I have been working on this steadily, though. For those who care, Ch. 11 of Volte-face is still being hammered out. Sister and I are working hard on it, I promise. It's just that we brainstormed the first five chapters of this fic all in one night, so it's easy to update. :) Anyway, read, enjoy, and please do review!_

**Disclaimer:** _I own a glittery purple pencil. It's almost as cool as Final Fantasy VII, which I do not own, or even come close to owning…but I'd trade Square-Enix my pencil for their game. Heh. :D_

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**Chapter Two:_ The Bra Incident—Angel Meets Rude:_**

Tifa was gone.

The young woman and her newly acquired puppy hadn't been home for more than ten minutes before Angel had reminded her (by pointedly staring at the refrigerator and whining) that there was not a shred of dog food in the building. Of course, being the sweet and animal care-conscious individual that she was, Tifa immediately put her shoes back on and left for the grocery store, cooing promises to Angel that she would be back soon, and not to worry.

So Tifa was gone, and Angel was alone in the otherwise abandoned Seventh Heaven bar that also doubled as Tifa's home.

Not that Angel seemed to mind. She spent several minutes walking leisurely through the building, taking full stock of her newfound home and freedom. Angel seemed especially interested in the photographs of Tifa's friends and acquaintances; the little dog stared at each picture she came across with a solemn, unblinking expression, as if trying to memorize each individual's face.

After half an hour, however, Angel was apparently tired both of exploring and looking at pictures. The white Shih Tzu headed up to Tifa's bedroom, preparing to take the first of many naps on Tifa's bed, when she happened to hear a slight noise outside the window—

—and that's when she saw the familiar individual in the street.

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_I am such a loser._

Rude glanced up at the silent, apparently empty Seventh Heaven, wondering how he'd ended up walking past Tifa's workplace—for the millionth time—when he'd intended to go in a completely different direction.

Of course, he knew that somewhere deep down he was hoping she'd be outside, sweeping off the steps or washing the windows. That meant that she'd stop and talk with him for a while, which was as much as he could ask for given her permanent fixation on Cloud. Still, even he knew that his persistent habit of walking past Seventh Heaven was more than a little pathetic.

The most annoying thing was that all of his coworkers had known where he was going to end up, even when he hadn't. From Elena's cheery "Tell Tifa I said hello!" to Reno's mischievous "Yo, this time actually ask her out!", they'd all indicated one way or another that they all knew exactly what he was going to do before he'd even decided it. _This is it,_ Rude told himself silently. _I'm tired of waiting around to be noticed. If Tifa thought of me as anything but a friend, I'd know it by now._

A faint whining broke into his thoughts. He glanced up in confusion. _That sounds like a puppy,_ Rude thought. _But Tifa doesn't own a dog…_

A moment later, an anxious, white, furry face appeared in one of the windows. _Or maybe she does,_ he corrected himself silently. The dog gave him a pleading glance and whined louder, scratching at the window with one small paw.

"I can't go in," he told the puppy. "It would be very impolite and disrespectful, even if the door was unlocked. That's not exactly the impression I was going for."

In response, the dog whined louder, this time giving pained yips as if it was hurt. Its face disappeared from the window; a moment later he heard the scratching sound from the bottom of the front door, as if the dog were waiting just inside for him. The whining and yipping grew louder and more distressed.

"I can't," Rude repeated, but less certainly this time. The dog did sound like it was hurt, and he knew Tifa well enough to be sure she would want him to help her puppy if it was indeed injured…but what if it wasn't hurt? What if it was just spoiled and wanted company? His actions would seem less noble and definitely harder to explain…

The front door suddenly popped open, and the little white dog stumbled its way down the stairs. Rude saw the problem now—it had gotten itself hopelessly entangled in a black bra (Tifa's bra, Rude realized) and could barely walk. The puppy stopped in front of him and whined piteously, giving him a beseeching look to melt even the coldest heart.

"Fine," Rude sighed in defeat, kneeling beside the dog. "But don't expect me to be around to help you out next time." The dog licked his hand in gratitude, wagging its tail as much as it could manage.

Untangling the puppy was a simple matter that only took a few moments. "There," Rude said once the task was finished, patting the dog on the head. "Try not to let this happen again."

Instead of licking his hands again, or even wagging its tail, the dog stared at him with a coldly calculating gaze. If he hadn't known better, he could've sworn that it was smiling. A moment later, the dog turned around and sprinted up the stairs to Seventh Heaven. The door slammed shut behind the dog, seemingly of its own accord.

Rude arched one brow. _That was weird,_ he thought. Then, realizing that he still held Tifa's bra, he decided, _I should at least take this inside for her. _Tucking the bra under one arm, he walked up to the front door--and found it inexplicably locked.

_How did that happen?_ Rude wondered. _The door would've had to have been unlocked for the dog to get out in the first place…_

He felt someone's gaze upon him and looked up. The dog was staring at him through the window, still seeming to smile at him. _Maybe I should just leave it in the mailbox,_ Rude decided, pulling the bra out and attempting to tuck it into the back of Tifa's mailbox. In retrospect, the bald Turk had a feeling he should've foreseen what happened next.

The bra, of course, stuck to his hand.

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Elena looked up in surprise as Rude hurried into her apartment, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it quickly. "Wow, that was fast," she remarked, with approval in her voice. "But where's our dry cleaning?"

"I didn't go to the dry cleaners," he answered in an oddly flat tone.

"What?" Reno demanded, walking through a doorway and giving Rude an accusatory stare. "Don't tell me you got so busy talking to Tifa that you forgot our clothes!" He paused, and his voice dropped to a more serious tone. "Hey—did you finally ask her out?" Reno asked.

"Not exactly," Rude answered cryptically.

Elena drummed her fingers in irritation. "Well, what is it, then?" she demanded. "You're clearly all freaked out over something."

"I, ah…" Rude shrugged helplessly and brought his hand out of his jacket. The offending piece of lingerie still clung to his fingers as if terrified of the ground.

"You stole her underwear?" Reno said in shock, his eyes going wide.

Elena seemed offended. "I'm telling Tseng," she informed him curtly.

"I didn't steal it!" Rude said in his defense. "You see, it all started when I heard this dog inside Tifa's place…" Quickly he filled them in on his brief encounter with the dog. "…and when I tried to stick it in her mailbox, it wouldn't come off my hand," he finished.

Reno's eyes went wider. "Aw, man," he snickered. "This is great! Hang on, let me get my camera!" He rushed out of the room, nearly doubled over with laughter.

"Are you going to help me or not?!" Rude demanded in annoyance.

"Aw, don't be grumpy, Rude," Elena said soothingly. "I'll help you get those panties off." She smirked as she grabbed the free end of the bra and started yanking.

"It's not panties!" Rude snapped. "It's a bra!"

"Oh, sorry. I'll help you get your bra off," Elena grunted, leaning backwards and tugging on the bra with all her might.

"It's not MY bra, Elena!"

"Whatever," Elena answered through gritted teeth as she braced her feet and pulled harder on the stubborn bra. "You know, I think you've talked more today than you have for every other day, combined, since I started working with you? Did anyone ever tell you that you have really nice teeth?"

Rude's eyes narrowed. "That's it," he informed Elena, yanking her hand free. "I think I'd rather handle this myself, instead of putting up with your kind of 'help'."

"Ow!" Elena pulled her hand away and glared at Rude. "Geez, you don't have to be so grumpy."

Reno ran back into the room, clutching a digital camera in one hand. "Is it still stuck on?" he asked hopefully.

"I'm glad you find this so funny," Rude said dryly, sinking into a chair and resting his head in his hands. "Remind me to never help you guys again when you're in a tough spot."

Reno's grin faded. "Hey, I'm sorry, partner," he said more gently. "Don't worry. We'll figure something out. Who knows? You might even start a trend!" the redheaded Turk added, trying to cheer up his friend. "Elena, which drawer are your bras in again?"

"Why don't you just super glue one of your bras to your own hand and save yourself the trouble, Reno?" Elena retorted, giving an exaggerated scowl.

Rude lifted his head and smiled faintly. "I'm sorry for being so short-tempered," he replied. "I guess I might've panicked. A little."

Elena and Reno didn't reply. They were too busy staring at him with identical expressions of horror. "Rude, man..." Reno said at last, his mouth twitching as he tried to hold back a laugh. "Your head..."

Rude reached up gingerly. "What about my–" The bald Turk stopped mid-sentence as he felt what his coworkers had seen. The bra was no longer mysteriously attached by one end to his hand...instead, it had transferred itself to his temple.

"You're kidding me!" he exclaimed in exasperation, grabbing the free end of the seemingly possessed bra and giving it a few sharp tugs.

"I'm going to go call Tseng," Elena said, biting her lips to hold back a grin. "This is more serious than we thought."

Reno watched his coworker leave the room skeptically. "Do you think she gets Tseng's permission to go to the bathroom, too?" he asked, bemused.

"Reno," Rude interrupted. "Right now we have bigger problems than Elena's crush."

"What? Oh, right." Reno grabbed a conveniently placed pair of scissors and started trying to cut the offending item of lingerie. "Man, this stuff is made from steel cable," he complained as his scissors clicked futilely on the bra. "But hey, at least it can't get any worse now, right?"

"Wanna bet?" Elena asked as she darted back into the room, looking panicked.

"What could be worse than Tifa's bra being stuck to my temple?" Rude asked, frowning.

Elena folded her arms. "How about Tifa standing at the door right now?"

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_**Chapter Three Preview:** (The Bra Incident, Part Two--Tifa Gets Her Bra Back)  
Yes, Tifa's lingerie is returned to her...but is Rude's head still attached when she gets it? Look for the (hopefully, much funnier) update in a few days! _

_(And I promise it'll be in a few days, because it's already typed and beta'd. This chapter was just getting too long...and I want reviews, I admit it, even though I don't deserve them for being gone so long. Humor me anyway? I'll humor you back! Wait, that didn't sound right... Oo_

_Please review :)_


	3. The Bra Incident pt 2

**A/N:** _Thank you again to everyone who reviewed! Here is the conclusion of The Bra Incident, as promised. I'll repeat this at the end of this chapter, but to forewarn you–I have the plots for Angel "meeting" several FF characters. Let me know who you'd like to see next, and the character with the most votes will be the next in Angel's sights!_

**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Final Fantasy VII. Not even a little part of it. Just a few bits of official merchandise I bought. But I'm working on that, so if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to searching for Vincent on eBay, which I also do not own even a little part of. :D_

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**Chapter Three: **_**The Bra Incident, part 2–Tifa Gets Her Bra Back**_

"WHAT?!" Reno exclaimed.

"I'm not making it up!" Elena said in a nervous tone. "I opened it without thinking, and she was standing there saying one of her neighbors had seen Rude standing outside and she wanted to make sure he didn't need anything, and I panicked and told her I had to go change out my air fresheners and kind of slammed the door in her face." Elena wrung her hands together nervously.

"Great," Rude grumbled under his breath.

"Oh. Um, well...tell her you're having hot monkey sex with Rude right now, and he can't exactly talk to her," Reno suggested, still trying to cut the stubborn bra.

"Shut up, Reno," Elena and Rude snapped in unison.

"Well, we can't just leave her out there," Reno said defensively. "Tifa's determined to be nice to everyone, and if she thinks Rude wanted to talk to her for some reason, she'll eventually..."

The door quietly slid open as Tifa poked her head inside. "Elena?" she called. "I just thought I'd show myself in..."

"...come in looking for him," Reno finished with a sigh. "Hide!" he hissed to Rude, giving his co-worker a shove.

Rude jumped to his feet, looked around frantically for a moment, and then opened the refrigerator and stuck his head in.

Tifa hesitantly stepped into the kitchen, her confusion apparent. "Hi," she said, smiling awkwardly.

"Hey!" Elena said with a plastic smile, folding her hands behind her back and rocking on her heels. Reno gave Tifa an equally fake grin. "What can we do for you?" Elena asked.

"Um, well...my neighbor said that Rude was outside my house earlier today, while I was at the supermarket...and I found these in front of my porch," Tifa finished, holding up a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses. "I figured he must've been in a big hurry to drop them and not notice it, and now I see why! He was meeting up with you guys to...um..." She glanced around Elena's kitchen uncertainly, her brown gaze coming to rest on the scissors in Reno's hand.

Reno followed her gaze, frowning at the scissors as if they'd jumped into his grasp without his permission. "Coupon clipping," he said lamely. "We met up to clip some coupons."

"Coupons?" Tifa repeated, arching one brow skeptically.

"Yeah! Coupons!" Reno repeated, more enthusiastically.

"Right..." Tifa murmured, glancing around again. "Then where is all the leftover paper?"

"We bagged it up to recycle it," Elena hastily lied, her voice more perky than normal. "You know...we're all about helping the planet these days, and stuff."

Tifa's eyes lit up. "That's great!" she exclaimed. "Actually, I have to go right past a recycling center on my way home–why don't you give the bag of paper to me, and I can drop it off for you?"

Elena's smile froze. "Um, no," she argued. "I want the credit for it."

"Credit? It's just scrap paper, Elena," Tifa said, her voice gently disapproving.

Reno quickly grabbed his blonde co-worker by the shoulders, spinning her around. "Yes, why don't you go get that paper, Elena?" he asked in a too-cheerful tone, pushing her slightly toward the doorway.

"I don't have any scrap paper laying around my apartment!" Elena said in a panicked whisper.

"What? Everyone has scrap paper!"Reno protested under his breath.

"Not the people who clean their apartments out more than once a month!" Elena muttered in agitation.

Reno rolled his eyes. "So get messy!" he ordered her in an undertone, giving Elena a forceful shove toward the doorway. As his blonde co-worker stumbled out of the kitchen, Reno gave Tifa an overly cheerful smile. "Some people just want everyone to know that they're recycling," he said lamely.

"Sure." Tifa leaned to one side, trying to see past Reno. "Rude? Is that you with your head stuck in the fridge?"

Rude cursed silently in his mind. "Yes," he admitted after a brief pause.

"Oh! Well, I'm sorry I missed you earlier–I had to go get some puppy food," Tifa said brightly, taking a step forward.

Reno intercepted Tifa quickly. "He's not mad," he said. "Trust me. I can interpret Rude's feelings like a...um...an interpreter."

"Reno, get her out of here," Rude hissed. "My ears are getting frostbite!"

"You can just let me have those sunglasses," Reno went on, holding out one hand. "Rude's busy getting his snack and all."

"No way, Reno," Tifa replied, folding her arms. "Rude's told me how you take his sunglasses and won't give them back. Or do horrible pranks, like painting smiley faces on the lenses."

Reno glanced over his shoulder in disappointment. "You told her all that?" he asked in disbelief.

"Now's not the time for this, Reno," Rude answered flatly.

Tifa took advantage of Reno's distraction to walk around him quickly. "Look, Rude, if you'll just pull your head of the refrigerator for a minute, I can give you your sunglasses, and then I'll be out of your hair." She paused. "Or whatever. You know what I mean."

Just before she reached the refrigerator (and the bald Turk whose head it was hiding), Reno suddenly grabbed Tifa and pulled her against him.

Tifa's eyes narrowed as she stared at Reno. "What?" she demanded.

"Um..." Reno paused uncertainly. He hadn't had time to formulate this step in his plan. "I've always loved you?"

Tifa slapped Reno sharply, jerking out of his grasp. "Save it, Reno," she said in exasperation, turning to face the refrigerator...and finding it empty, the door shut. "Rude?" she asked in confusion. "Where'd you go?"

"Over here," Rude replied.

Tifa turned, her eyes immediately noticing a fully-spread-out newspaper that, presumably, had a certain Turk behind it. As if sensing her gaze, one of Rude's hands appeared from behind the paper. "Just set my sunglasses over here," he instructed, patting a spot on the kitchen table.

"Aren't you going to...I don't know...say something?" Tifa asked. "Like 'hi'?"

"Hi," Rude replied flatly. "Thanks for bringing my sunglasses to me." He patted the table again, then hastily reached up to grab the newspaper as it threatened to fall and expose his face.

Tifa frowned. "Okay, I know you guys normally act weird, but this is unusual behavior even for you three," she said, folding her arms. "Rude, look at me!"

Any other time Rude would have been happy to oblige, but this case was an exception. "Um...sorry," he replied lamely. "Reading this article."

"And it won't be there in the next two minutes if you don't read it nonstop right now?" Tifa asked skeptically.

"Maybe not," Rude answered, feeling horrible.

Tifa's eyes narrowed. "Rude, put down the paper!" she demanded, grabbing the edge of the newspaper. It ripped, its torn upper half falling away. Rude grimaced...

...but with uncanny timing, Elena chose precisely that moment to come barreling through the door, swinging a plastic bag full of odd bits and pieces of paper products. And, by an unseen hand of providence, the plastic bag managed to hit Tifa full in the face, stunning her briefly–and completely blocking her view of Rude.

"Ooh, sorry!" Elena said, sounding completely insincere. "I didn't know your head was there! But look, I found the paper we were going to recycle!" Tifa fought the bag away from her face and gave Elena an annoyed frown.

Rude took advantage of that split second to grab the nearest object with head-covering potential and throw it over his skull. He had a brief moment to wish he'd went to Reno's or Tseng's apartment–or his own–instead of Elena's, because then that head-covering object would have been something only mildly embarassing, like an empty beer case, or even a bland navy blue dish towel. He also wished that Elena didn't have a six-year-old girl for a neighbor, and that the six-year-old-girl in question didn't thoughtlessly leave parts of her Fairy Bride costume laying around in unfortunately convenient locations, like Elena's kitchen counter.

Nevertheless, desperate times called for desperate measures, and at least the über-girly bridal veil he'd thrown on his head did the trick–the layers of rosy-hued tulle netting drifted down around his head, hiding Tifa's troublemaking bra. It was a pink, flowered solution, but it was a solution.

Tifa looked up just as Rude got the veil situated on his skull. Her jaw dropped. "Well," she said at last.

Reno and Elena looked over at him as well. Elena, at the least, had the grace to look mildly apologetic. Reno, on the other hand, grabbed the digital camera again, smirking.

"Well," Tifa said again. "That's...that's a very interesting hat you have," she said.

"Thank you," Rude replied with as much dignity as he could muster.

"Very, um...very pink," Tifa continued, mentally fumbling for something appropriate to say. "I didn't know you liked those sorts of...accessories?"

"Sometimes a man needs to feel pretty," Rude replied calmly.

Reno choked back a laugh, looking anywhere but at his co-worker.

"Right," Tifa replied, her expression carefully blank. She gingerly laid the sunglasses on the counter. "I'll just be going, then..."

A sudden, ear-piercing sound jarred everyone in the room. It seemed to come from outside, and resembled nothing so much as a screech of sheer frustration and fury. Half a second later, a small projectile came hurtling through Elena's open kitchen window. It hit Rude's head with a _squeak_ and bounced off harmlessly, but managed to unbalance the pink veil just enough that it slid off of Rude's head.

Tifa froze. "Is that..." She stared wordlessly, first in horror, then in anger. "That's my bra!" she finally snapped. "Is that what you were doing hanging around my house? Stealing my underwear?"

"No!" Rude answered instantly.

"Then why is my bra stuck to your head?" Tifa demanded, folding her arms.

"There's a really good reason!" Reno hastily interjected. "See, the bra accidentally got stuck to his head, and he can't get it off!"

"Stuck to his head?" Tifa repeated skeptically. With one sharp movement, she grabbed the loose end of her bra and pulled it free. "Oh, yeah, it's really stuck on there," she grumbled under her breath, folding up her bra and stuffing it into her purse as her cheeks turned a faint shade of pink.

"How did she...?" Elena breathed in shock, looking from Tifa to Rude in disbelief.

Tifa hastily started toward Elena's front door. "I know you three probably think this is hilarious," she remarked over her shoulder as she walked. "But I don't appreciate it at all. And don't even think about stopping by and trying to feed me some lame excuse, either. Just do me a favor and stay away, got it?" She slammed the door behind her, as if to emphasize her point.

"Wow, that could've gone better," Reno said after an awkward pause, sighing. "I'm sorry, Rude. I know you didn't want to make her mad."

"Don't apologize," Rude answered, frowning. "You two helped as much as you could."

Elena frowned at the small projectile which had knocked the pink veil loose. It was still lying on the floor; she knelt to get a better look at it. "Um, guys?" she interrupted.

"What now, Laney?" Reno asked, sounding slightly impatient.

Elena held up the projectile so her co-workers could view it more easily. "Who do you think threw a rubber dog bone in my window?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tifa wearily entered her home, feeling embarrassed and angry all at once. "What a day," she sighed as she locked the door behind her.

Angel rushed up to Tifa, tail wagging a mile a minute, all affection and warmth. "Oh, hi, Angel," Tifa cooed, scooping up her newly acquired Shih Tzu and cuddling the small dog to her chest. "At least you're happy to see me, huh?"

Angel yipped her emphatic agreement, basking in Tifa's full attention.

"And," Tifa continued, setting Angel gently on the floor, "at least Cloud was nice enough to give me a ride over there and back."

Cloud? Who cared about Cloud? Angel gave a disgruntled bark.

"Yes, that's right, Angel." Tifa smiled at her puppy. "Once in a while, when he's not brooding about something, Cloud can be rather sweet." She smiled out the window. Angel looked out the window as well, but with a decidedly less pleasant gleam in her eye.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

_**Chapter Four Preview: **__(Open Chapter)_

_You pick Angel's next "friend"! Which character should she meet next? Review and let me know! (And also let me know what you think of the story so far, and such, if you don't mind.)_

_Please review :)_


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